Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Fundae putting and news roundup

Q: What do we usually say when we sign off?
Ans: Tata

Q: What does Mork say when he signs off?
Ans: Nano Nano!

See, we are getting somewhere on this already. But wait, not yet done.

Q: What does Mork mean in Rhyming Slang?
Ans: Windy

Q: What is name of the wind god?
Ans: Vaayu

Stay with me... this is taking us somewhere proper.

Q: What is the name of Vaayu's son?
Ans: Hanuman

So there! That is Tata already telling Maruti, "Who's your daddy? I'm your daddy!"

Q: But who is the real father of Maruti?
Ans: Sanjay Gandhi

Which makes Varun Gandhi the half-brother of Hanuman, (who headed the "Ram Sena"). See... now that explains why Varun hates muslims. But hang on, there is more.

Q: Who else might be violating the model code of conduct, and why?
Ans: Tata, by releasing Nano (linkthanks Ravikiran)

Q: What else got Tata'd and Nano Nano'd out of India this week?
Ans: IPL

Objection milaad! எதிர் தரப்பு வக்கீல் சம்பந்தம் இல்லாத கேள்விகளை எழுப்பி சாட்சியை குழப்புகிறார். IPLக்கும் Model Codeக்கும் என்ன சம்பந்தம்?
சம்பந்தம் இருக்கு yuvar aaner!
Objection overruled. You may proceed!

Q: Who heads the IPL?
Ans: Modi

Q: What is common between hating muslims, Tata Nano, and the name of the IPL boss?
Ans: Modi

Wait a minute, that is cleverly avoiding first names...

Q: Would anything that points to a Modi success be construed as violating the model code?
Ans: Maybe

But that is a different Modi...

Q: Where is the IPL being moved to?
Ans: South Africa

Q: Who got Tata'd and Nano Nano'd out of South Africa this week?
Ans: The Dalai Lama

Q: Who else got Tata's and Nano Nano'd in South Africa in 1893?
Ans: Gandhi

Q: Who did not do Tata or Nano Nano to Dalai Lama in 1959?
Ans: Nehru

Q: What is the Nehru family called now?
Ans: Gandhi

Q: What is common between Modi and Gandhi?
Ans: There are two different Modis, and there were two different Gandhis, but all four are Gujjew names

Q: Talking about names, what is the Nano being called?
Ans: The people's car among other things

Q: Who else called what else the people's car?
Ans: (Answer hidden due to violation of Godwin's law)

Q: Who else hates the Dalai Lama?
Ans: The people's republic

Q: The Nano was originally supposed to be manufactured in?
Ans: The people's state of West Bengal

Q: What is the state of the people of West Bengal?
Ans: Pathetic (among other Ps)

Q: Does West Bengal have an IPL team?
Ans: The Kolkata Knight Riders

Q: Do the Gujjews have an IPL team?
Ans: The Baroda Bombers... no, they do not exist

Hmm, I see a pattern here. Having an IPL team means not having a car factory...

Q: Who co-owns the Kolkata Knight Riders?
Ans: Chawla

Q: What is the name of the election commissioner?
Ans: Chawla

Q: Who likes Chawla as election commissioner?
Ans: The people's daily of Chennai

Q: Which other Tam has a spat with the IPL?
Ans: Chidambaram

Q: Which other comedian is as irritating as Chidambaram?
Ans: Robin Williams

Q: Is Chawla a Gujjew name?
Ans: No, it is a Punjew name

Q: Do the Muslims hate the Jews?
Ans: Maybe

Q: Which Indian leader is compared to the most famous Jew hater of them all?
Ans: Boderline Godwin's law violation, but Modi

But wait, if Modi hates Muslims, and Hitler hated Jews, and Muslims hate Jews, does Modi hate Hitler?

It gets more complicated... If China hates the Dalai Lama and West Bengal loves China, but West Bengal lost Nano to Modi, and Hitler hated the Communists... do the the Communists hate Robin Williams?

If N Ram loves Chawla, but hates the Dalai Lama, do the Kolkata Knight Riders love South Africa?

If Chidambaram hates Modi, and Modi moves IPL, and Tata moves Nano factory, do the Punjews love Gandhi?

If there are two Modis, two Gandhis and two Chawlas, does this explain the name of Varun's book of poems?

As you can see, everything is connected... and as you ponder the profundity... it is time for me to say tata, nano nano!

Labels: Humour, Storytelling

Saturday, January 10, 2009

On why only pompous gits might read The Hindu

On the front page of today's Hindu is this classic headline:

"Order allowing plea challenging appointment of Ananth stayed" (link)

Now, unless you are Humphrey Appleby intent on throwing your interlocutor entirely out of the loop of understanding by unnecessarily, and by implication utterly callously employing a complicated syntax, thereby effacing your possibly deductible bias, while simultaneously projecting an air of informed formality and rigorous neutrality, obfuscating clarity by employing a redundant turn of phrase, and entirely out of the necessity of not creating unwanted non-negatives proving you are a pompous git, why would you write a headline such as that?

The Times of India on the other hand, spares our brains the gymnastics and says:
"HC backs Ananth as IIT-Madras head"

...

Can you think of other great headlines that can now be Hindufied? Here are a few. Add more in the comments.

Kurukshetra, 7th May 1040BC
Krishna clarifies stand on claims of his not referring to battle elephant while denying his lack of ignorance on the non-demise of Teacher's son

Jerusalem, 4th April 32
Pontius Pilate quashes rumours of his possible support to the alleged non-existence of the Judaen People's Front (J)

New Delhi, 30th January 1948
Paternal Parent of the Nation allegedly assaulted by possible man wielding projectile weapon resulting in no-uncertain termination of living functions of the former

Washinton DC, 20th July 1969
American President denies reports of him as not announcing possible lunar contact by humans

Labels: Humour, Links, Media, WTF

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Spinning Girl

Pre-empting XKCD

Labels: Avocations, Humour

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Osama Bin Laden also calls for OBC reservation

Well, OBL will ask for India to rethink the Indo-US Nuclear deal (but naturally), and by the looks of things will also demand the closure of all Reliance Fresh outlets in the country.

But Bin Laden will never get any support from us Tamils unless he also demands Cauvery water, and a statue of Thiruvalluvar in Bangalore!

Labels: Humour, Links, Politics

Monday, June 18, 2007

Ideas for the 3rd front

Campaign for Rajnikanth to be made president!

Labels: Humour, Politics

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Chó Guevara

Place your Chó T-Shirt orders here. Available in S,L,M,XM,XXM.

Labels: Humour

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Ende mol Jade Kutty

When white-guilt-ridden Britain disowns Jade, she need not fret. She just has to take up this offer. (The nice people of Kerala are also very forgiving. They first forgive the Congress, then they forgive the Communists, then the forgive the Congress, and then they forgive the Communists etc..)

Image source

When I first saw her, I thought Jade looked like a bad photoshop mashup of Dave Barry (or Ozzy Osbourne) with Shakila. But then Shoefie's post (also titlethanks) brought the whole scheme to light.

Late night Malayalam TV will never be the same yegain!

Labels: Humour, Media