Sunday, February 26, 2006
Bye Bye Bristol
If there is any connectivity from the airport, I might try to get online, otherwise.. bye bye Britain!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
“The Bohemians” Ch.13
1.The Angel with the large bosoms and slightly parted lips said: Lo and behold! It is this day that Our Lord has chosen to bestow upon us a Master of Arts.
He, having suffered a terrible hangover has now risen again. His head anointed with the Ale of Thelocalpubsheba, having suffered humiliation at the hands of the gentiles, having made to wear a robe of black and a hood of winered, He ascended the steps of the great hall of the temple the mercenary high-priests called Universitatis Bristoliensis.
2. There the Roman, VicesR'us Chancellorius washed his hands off Him by attaching a label to Him for the whole world to mock at. 'There goes the Master of the Arts', shouted the ignorant graduands as Our Lord walked the path with three other robbers also condemned to receive their degrees with distinctions.
3. The ritual having been completed, Our Lord with His ever-ending mercy did not flinch one bit. He then climbed to the top of Mount Eateriai, where many thousands of years ago King Bartender had justly ruled over, and what the Sumerians refer to as the Eh'emai inarestaurant.
4. He then sat at the head of the table and broke garlic bread. His faithful acquaintances having also chosen to eat Italian accompanied Him at this modest feast. Our Lord then spake: He who does not fear food shall dig in, for it is those who eat without restraint and drink without limits that shall enter My Kingdom. With this He broke another piece of bread, then in His infinite radiant grace, gobbled it all up without even asking courteously if all the others had got their starters.
5. He then raised his cup, which did overflow with wine, said a toast to all assembled and tanked Himself up. That night they all did feast, on spaghetti and lasagna and pasta of all shapes, on chicken and beef, on fish and seafood, and oddly enough for an Italian restaurant, kangaroo! At this moment they did all shake and quiver with fear for they heard a mighty rumble. 'Our Lord hath fury', they said as He let out a large burp. Then the handmaiden arrived with an edict from the roman who officiated what they called a till. Everyone at the table needs to pay up it said, for if the roman at the till is not placated, Our Lord shall unleash the three plagues of Babylon. (Actually two; the third one had been quarantined and subsequently all poultry culled)
6. While the exodus of the Bristolians from Mount Eateriai began, one of them, Benjamin the fastidious, also having been very observant and of very keen hearing, beheld a sign. He heard a voice on the other end of the mobile telephone and obeyed. 'Thou shalt walk for ten more minutes', it said, 'In the direction of the neon sign near that dodgy club. Beyond the desert you shall find a fine pub'.
7. At this point, the Lord having no desire to drink anymore, and in search of a good lay, parted way with the Bohemians.
Professor Al Fakestudy from the University of Scriptural Studies at Jerusalem points to a distinct discontinuity in the story here. While many scholars over the years have disputed the popular notion that The Lord promptly went home to bed, Professor Fakestudy refers to the recently unearthed chewing gum wrapper from the archaeological digs in Iraq, on which, in ancient Aramaic had been scribbled, what appears to be the flat number of a certain pretty maiden. While it is impossible to ascertain that the handwriting did certainly belong to that of Our Lord, the fact that radio carbon dating places it in Bristol on the very night mentioned in the scriptures, and a condom wrapper unearthed nearby bears the distinct marks of having been forced open by someone with a Master of Arts with distinction, raises some curious questions. Could our Lord not have gone home to bed alone that night as popular notion would have us believe? Could he have indeed got laid? We shall never conclusively know. But 2000 years after the events have said to have happened, graduates to this day believe that there once walked a Man in Bristol, who, for the good of mankind, and to deliver us from sins, drank, ate and fornicated. There are even some of us who believe that He will come again, as considering that He came last 2000 years ago, it certainly would not be too much trouble to get it up again.
In a curious addendum to this tale, a hitherto isolated and obscure set of followers of Our Lord in Madras in India, also claim that He did not simply disappear in Bristol, but did indeed travel to India to spread the word of decadence. As evidence they point to what they claim is His original coach ticket from Bristol to London for the afternoon of the 26th of February; and more importantly, an airline ticket for the night of the 26th of February made out in the name of Our Lord from Heathrow to Mumbai and then onto Chennai. Western scholars dispute this theory claiming that the relics that are so venerated in India might be an early 18th Century fake, or even from the time of the 2nd and 2/3rd crusades, when King Arthur is said to traveled as far east as Madras. They say that even if the relics are dated back to 2000 years they could well have belonged to another Anand (Anand having been a very common Hebrew name for boys), who, university records show, also lived in Bristol at about the same time, and also got an MA with distinction. Could both Anands have been the same? Is Our Lord of Decadence merely a figment of the imagination of medieval monks, or did He really walk this earth, though with a slightly tipsy and staggered gait?
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Last day at work
Had a nice time, went to the pub and got hammered! Quite a few pints of some potent German stuff and I ended up with the worst hangover I've ever had. Cleaned my stomach out as soon as I came home. Threw up a couple of time early this morning, and had a horrible headache, but they key was that I did enjoy myself.
Omam legiyam is a wonderdrug. Completely sorted me out! Bloody hell, that stuff should be marketed as a Sunday morning drug; will make a lot of money in Britain.
