Wednesday, February 22, 2006
“The Bohemians” Ch.13
1.The Angel with the large bosoms and slightly parted lips said: Lo and behold! It is this day that Our Lord has chosen to bestow upon us a Master of Arts.
He, having suffered a terrible hangover has now risen again. His head anointed with the Ale of Thelocalpubsheba, having suffered humiliation at the hands of the gentiles, having made to wear a robe of black and a hood of winered, He ascended the steps of the great hall of the temple the mercenary high-priests called Universitatis Bristoliensis.
2. There the Roman, VicesR'us Chancellorius washed his hands off Him by attaching a label to Him for the whole world to mock at. 'There goes the Master of the Arts', shouted the ignorant graduands as Our Lord walked the path with three other robbers also condemned to receive their degrees with distinctions.
3. The ritual having been completed, Our Lord with His ever-ending mercy did not flinch one bit. He then climbed to the top of Mount Eateriai, where many thousands of years ago King Bartender had justly ruled over, and what the Sumerians refer to as the Eh'emai inarestaurant.
4. He then sat at the head of the table and broke garlic bread. His faithful acquaintances having also chosen to eat Italian accompanied Him at this modest feast. Our Lord then spake: He who does not fear food shall dig in, for it is those who eat without restraint and drink without limits that shall enter My Kingdom. With this He broke another piece of bread, then in His infinite radiant grace, gobbled it all up without even asking courteously if all the others had got their starters.
5. He then raised his cup, which did overflow with wine, said a toast to all assembled and tanked Himself up. That night they all did feast, on spaghetti and lasagna and pasta of all shapes, on chicken and beef, on fish and seafood, and oddly enough for an Italian restaurant, kangaroo! At this moment they did all shake and quiver with fear for they heard a mighty rumble. 'Our Lord hath fury', they said as He let out a large burp. Then the handmaiden arrived with an edict from the roman who officiated what they called a till. Everyone at the table needs to pay up it said, for if the roman at the till is not placated, Our Lord shall unleash the three plagues of Babylon. (Actually two; the third one had been quarantined and subsequently all poultry culled)
6. While the exodus of the Bristolians from Mount Eateriai began, one of them, Benjamin the fastidious, also having been very observant and of very keen hearing, beheld a sign. He heard a voice on the other end of the mobile telephone and obeyed. 'Thou shalt walk for ten more minutes', it said, 'In the direction of the neon sign near that dodgy club. Beyond the desert you shall find a fine pub'.
7. At this point, the Lord having no desire to drink anymore, and in search of a good lay, parted way with the Bohemians.
Professor Al Fakestudy from the University of Scriptural Studies at Jerusalem points to a distinct discontinuity in the story here. While many scholars over the years have disputed the popular notion that The Lord promptly went home to bed, Professor Fakestudy refers to the recently unearthed chewing gum wrapper from the archaeological digs in Iraq, on which, in ancient Aramaic had been scribbled, what appears to be the flat number of a certain pretty maiden. While it is impossible to ascertain that the handwriting did certainly belong to that of Our Lord, the fact that radio carbon dating places it in Bristol on the very night mentioned in the scriptures, and a condom wrapper unearthed nearby bears the distinct marks of having been forced open by someone with a Master of Arts with distinction, raises some curious questions. Could our Lord not have gone home to bed alone that night as popular notion would have us believe? Could he have indeed got laid? We shall never conclusively know. But 2000 years after the events have said to have happened, graduates to this day believe that there once walked a Man in Bristol, who, for the good of mankind, and to deliver us from sins, drank, ate and fornicated. There are even some of us who believe that He will come again, as considering that He came last 2000 years ago, it certainly would not be too much trouble to get it up again.
In a curious addendum to this tale, a hitherto isolated and obscure set of followers of Our Lord in Madras in India, also claim that He did not simply disappear in Bristol, but did indeed travel to India to spread the word of decadence. As evidence they point to what they claim is His original coach ticket from Bristol to London for the afternoon of the 26th of February; and more importantly, an airline ticket for the night of the 26th of February made out in the name of Our Lord from Heathrow to Mumbai and then onto Chennai. Western scholars dispute this theory claiming that the relics that are so venerated in India might be an early 18th Century fake, or even from the time of the 2nd and 2/3rd crusades, when King Arthur is said to traveled as far east as Madras. They say that even if the relics are dated back to 2000 years they could well have belonged to another Anand (Anand having been a very common Hebrew name for boys), who, university records show, also lived in Bristol at about the same time, and also got an MA with distinction. Could both Anands have been the same? Is Our Lord of Decadence merely a figment of the imagination of medieval monks, or did He really walk this earth, though with a slightly tipsy and staggered gait?
Comments to “The Bohemians” Ch.13
whats next... a period movie? ;-)
posted by 
Thatz quite a transformation !!!
Best wishes !!!
posted by
rotfl!
:) What flocking locks the man posesses.. I wonder what ointment he be using!
posted by 
neha vish
God, you DO look like Jesus ;-)
posted by Krish
anand..is that really u?!?!?!
posted by
Awesome... Good one... may the airhostess in the Jet help you to keep it going..
posted by
fabulous piece of imaginative writing. or is this a sci-fi ?
posted by
My greetings & congratulations to the Lord. My prayers too, that some day our paths may cross again, and we be able to swap stories over ale and roast beef. Till then, bon voyage. Expecting the lord to chronicle his maiden conquests (should a pun be intended?) on Indian soil.
posted by RamV
Well Bala, I don't dig periods myself.
Thanks Anand
Neha: The Lord is annointed on the head with divinity... He doth not require a liniment! He is pleased that chicks dig His hair... it doth constitute a sex symbol. The reaffirmation is appreciated! You may now go in peace.
Mukund: No... the identity has not yet been conclusively proven... please refer to Prof Fakestudy's thesis.. Google for it!
Aarthi: Refer to reply to Mukund
Nilu: So fucking right!
Anon: Do you work in the airline industry yourself? Or do your work for some seriously spooky organisation... how the heck do you know I'm flying Jet? Who are you?... Speak up dammit!
Lazy: It is the scriptures... how dare you call it fiction... we shall have your head.... 5 bags of gold for the man who brings me Guru Subramanian's head... he has insulted The Lord!
Ram: He he! The Lord knows all... sees all... and yes, He does see a spit roast and bitter.
posted by Anand
Appadi Podu da raasa.. .illa.. pottutiya? :D
posted by anantha
Juvenile word play, Anti. Only those followers of The Lord in Madras will get the deeper meaning of your sentence.
posted by Chenthil
And this is how Da Vinci code was born . By tweaking the scripture to one's own imagination.
And may I know if the Lord chewed wrigleys after the garlic bread. Atleast Listerine please.
posted by
yo Dude theres always SOMEONE who know what the F*** ur upto.. Anyway good that u realise that i'm spooky.. do call me... Clue : O2 to O2
posted by
anand..anon is none other than our common enemy..now u really shud be able to find out!!
posted by
I have now seen. It is true. There does exist a benevolent bearded man. Somewhere.
Otha! Fucking awesome tale man. ROTFFLMAO (second f intentional)
posted by Ravages/CC
Anti: What ya talkingu? Potta?... what does that mean... the terrisim law?
Else, refer Chentil's comment! Thanks for that C! :p
Lazy: No... I think you'd ask someone on the class of Nilu for detailed descriptions of the pleasures of certain odours...!
Anon: So it is you, you twat! I'll email you beofre I leave.. My phone's running out of credit so cannot reply to your texts!
CC: I'm sorry but what's MAO mean?
posted by Anand
Great! I ve been an ardent reader of ur archvies till now :p.
Can we expect some posts now? Or, are you busy with film assignments already (if you don't mind my asking)?
MAO - My Ass Off, if that was not a joke!
posted by
Chenthil: Obvsly one wouldn't want everyone to get the meaning of the message.
Anand: Nalla irundha seri...
posted by anantha
Buddy now that you know its me.. Question to Lord Of Hebrew : Did you get the flat number right??
That all i need to know to conclude the rest..
posted by
Great picture. Congratulations
posted by Unknown
I hope your mom lets you keep the look.
posted by Prince Roy
Dear Aanand,
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posted by Kartik Kannan
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